So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
