Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
