I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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