We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
