We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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