He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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