The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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