As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
