I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
