My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
