i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
