Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
