coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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