we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
