i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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