I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
