Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I looked at my own cervix.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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