As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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