I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
