The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
