This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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