I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
