Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
