What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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