I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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