Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
