Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
