I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize