Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
