you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This is my gift to your gina
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
