I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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