Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
