from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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