Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
