I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
