eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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