I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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