She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
