Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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