Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My ATM looks so different sober.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
