just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
