i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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