i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
