hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
