The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize