He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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