That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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