I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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