Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize