My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
