Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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