well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
