question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
