I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
