that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
