Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
