I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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