Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
