And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
