oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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