Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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