I am in a vortex of obligation.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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