Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
