bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
