she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
