Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Congratulations! We have a period
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