i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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